Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
