Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
