I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
