I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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