i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
