i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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