okay pat passed out under dana's car
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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