I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
