using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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