Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
P.S. I can't hear my feet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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