She is in my trunk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
