Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think your dad took our porno
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
