I can tuck mytits in my pants
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
