i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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