Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
