connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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