We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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