OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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