Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
