I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize