You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
