i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
