Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Houston, we have a squirter
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
