You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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