Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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