Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
