I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
