Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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