Already got asked if we're dating
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Found your dick twin last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
