nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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