Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
