Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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