Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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