The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
