i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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