I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
