weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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