Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
