i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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