She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Actions speak louder than pants.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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