That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
