I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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