is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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