sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
