I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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