We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
