Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
