My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
