Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize