holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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