yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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