Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize