There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
