Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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