Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
