i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
