You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
