those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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