hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
