I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
