Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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