Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
