She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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