ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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