drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
