So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
