Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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