u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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