HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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