i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
