I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
