It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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