What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
