apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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