When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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