so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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