you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
