Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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