New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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