My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
