So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
