I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
