This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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